There is a song by Bette Midler that I just love called "Baby Mine" from the Beaches sound track that I sang to all of my kids. The song starts out, "Baby mine, dry your eyes..." The other song that I always sing to them is another one of hers called "Wind Beneath My Wings". This is one of my favorite pictures. Joan took it in the hospital after Toby was born. I don't thing I even knew that she was taking it. You can't see the rest of the quote but it reads, "You do no become a Mother, Motherhood becomes you." Motherhood gobsmacked me (to borrow a phrase from my English friends) I had always vaguely thought about it, putting it firmly in the "someday" category. I never thought of my self as maternal and when Shon and I found out we were pregnant with Alex two months after we were married my first thought was a sickening mixture of fear and panic nicely seasoned with nausea. The nausea stayed, but the feelings of fear and panic gave way to amazement and awe. Although I never was able to get the hang of normal pregnancies and ours were peppered with many hospital stays and preterm labor, each one was testimony building to me. When you are privileged to be nurturing that little body and spirit, I felt as if the veil to the Heavens was just a little bit thinner. I worried about bringing a child into this world. I remember just getting a calming feeling that if we raised our children in the LDS church that we would be comforted. I had always loved their family values and really liked that "template" for raising a family. For us it as been a wonderful thing. I was never naive enough to think that things would never be hard, we do seem to have our refiners fire of medical issues. But tempering all of that is this thread of love and joy that is a direct boon from our Father in Heaven. There is also the life changing realization that I LOVE being a Mother! I know that I make many mistakes, and sometimes I swear I can hear God laughing, but I would never, ever change this for anything. Shon and I were talking this morning about our kids and how cool they are. I love that they are so close. They don't like to be separated, and they hang out with one another without prompting. I don't know how long that will last, but I'll take it while I can. I have a feeling it will last though. My sister is one of my best friends and Shon is very close to his sisters too. I love that our kids are so huggy and affectionate. My older boys will still reach out to hold my hand unprompted in public...amazing for a 14 year old and an 11 year old. I think that the bottom line is that my children are teaching me what joy and charity truly are....Motherhood. While I may whine sometimes or be dramatic, I am humbled and would never change a thing.
I could not wait to hold that little baby. Turns out I had to since they used a general anethesia. :-) My first memory of Alex is a very precious, tender one. I was back in my room, groggy from the anethesia, I turned my head and saw my sweet husband exhausted, asleep in the chair beside my bed. The curtains were open just a little bit and the sun was rising. I saw Shon's hands craddling a little bundle, tucked up under his chin. Held safe even while his slept. Alex's little face with it's big blue eyes was turned towards me. He was awake and just looking at the light. Not crying, just checking out the world calmly. That first memory is very indicitive of his personality. Sweet, calm and laid back. He has a natural charisma that draws people to him. I have been so proud of him, especially this year as he has navigated being ill, his priesthood responsibilties, his calling in the Deacon's quarum, being an amazing big brother, wonderful son and a very strong friend while navigating the perils of Junior High. Both adults and kids like him very much. His laid back aproach to social groups - judging people for who they are and not who they hang out with- is a strength that I (and his teachers at school) aplaud for it's maturity. While he was out of school for five weeks, his teachers told me that while they knew he was well liked, they were amazed at the variety of kids from every social group that asked how he was and when he was coming back. I don't know what he will end up doing with his life, he has plenty of time to decide, but I do know that I am proud of him now and love the fact that we can hang out, play around, goof around, but he is still a repectful, reponsible boy. All of this being said, he is still human, not perfect and I am afraid to go into his room without a Haz-mat suit. Alex, you are amazing, yes I am bawling like a fountain as I write this. Honey, if this was a movie we would all stand up and applaud you. (Pan camera out to imagine all of us in your life, standing and doing the "slow" clap!) :-) All in all, I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe the room. 
